The Back Road: An open letter to George Santos

The Back Road: An open letter to George Santos

Andrew Malekoff

Dear George,

Now that the hostage crisis has come to a screeching halt and Kevin McCarthy has been released by the extremists and installed as Speaker of the House, it is time for you to go home and get your freakin’ shine box.

Just so you’re clear, George, the shine-box command was popularized by the mob movie “Goodfellas.” The character “Billy Batts” (the late great Frank Vincent) uses it to insult hothead hitman Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesce), by invoking a job he held in his early years.

What’s more, the Urban Dictionary defines the shine-box taunt as a way of putting someone in their place or letting someone who thinks they are “big time” know they are nothing like what they say they are.

That would be you, George. By the way, is George Santos an alias?

When you walked into the House chamber for the very first time, as U.S. representative-elect from New York’s 3rd congressional district, you became the unofficial “elephant in the room.” That is, someone that is obviously present but who others avoid because it is more comfortable to do so.

Perhaps for the rest of your life, and certainly in the foreseeable future, you will always be the elephant in the room. Be prepared, because the others in the room are quite likely to be ‘skeeved out’ by you.

Skeeved out? Oh, that’s just a colloquial expression. It means that there is a really good chance that your presence almost anywhere will disgust and repulse most everyone you encounter.

Well, maybe not Marjorie Taylor Greene. We saw you cozying up to her during the vote. And, flashing the hand signal.

Don’t play dumb George.

You flashed the white power far-right “OK” sign when you voted for speaker of the House. Everybody saw it on social and conventional media. You wanted it to be seen. There was no misunderstanding.

Were you announcing an alliance with the MAGA republican extremist faction of the House? Have you joined a militia? Or, were you just trying to trigger liberals and minorities, so you might be welcome to sit at the far-right cool kids table in the House Restaurant?

Are you the grandchild of Holocaust survivors, like you said, or a neo-Nazi groupie? Have you scheduled lunch with Nick Fuentes? A recording session with Kanye?

Bottom line, George, is you’re a shapeshifter, forever trying to change your identity to suit the circumstances. Like Frank Abagnale, the real-life guy Leonardo DiCaprio portrayed in “Catch Me If You Can.” Abagnale, a convicted felon, impersonated a doctor, lawyer, airline pilot and more.

So sorry, George, but you no longer qualify for receiving the benefit of the doubt. Those days are over. We know how you roll Pinocchio.

You are a mirage, a hologram, not a substantive human being. You tried to portray yourself as someone with competence, caring, character, and conviction.

You are quite clearly none of these.

You are nada. An empty suit.

Resign and repent.


Andrew Malekoff

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