In this monthly column, therapists from North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center answer your questions on issues related to parenting, mental health and children’s well-being. To submit a question, email [email protected].

Question: My son is a senior in high school and I’ve noticed that he’s been acting very differently. These changes started when he began expressing symptoms of anxiety and depression caused by schoolwork and college applications. He used to spend a lot of time with family afterschool, but now I can only find him in his bedroom or hanging out with kids I haven’t met before. We argue more than ever, and he doesn’t seem to take school as seriously as he used to.

I found a 12-pack of beer hidden in his closet and quickly confiscated it, but he acted as if I was overreacting, since I won’t be able to supervise him when he’s away at college. What can I do to make sure this doesn’t spiral into a much larger problem once he gets to college? –Drinking Debacle

Dear Drinking Debacle: Your son is right. You won’t be able to supervise him when he goes away to college; at least, not to the extent you’d like to. That’s why the lessons you teach him now need to be powerful enough to influence his behaviors, even when he’s no longer under your roof. 

According to the CDC, 23% of high school students have consumed alcohol in the past 30 days, with 11% having engaged in binge drinking behaviors. While your son is not alone in drinking underaged, he seems to already be facing the negative effects that come with that decision: a change in academic performance, isolation from loved ones, and argumentative behaviors, to name a few. As alcohol becomes more accessible while in college, these undesirable attributes are likely to spiral into an even larger problem. 

Though it’s not uncommon for young adults to turn to alcohol as a response to stress, it’s important to teach your son ways to cope with negative and overwhelming feelings in a healthy and enjoyable way. Invite him to take breaks from schoolwork to practice breathing exercises, which naturally lower the heart rate and decrease cortisol levels, resulting in relaxation without the use of substances.

Similarly, regular exercise has been found to build self-confidence, reduce levels of stress hormones, and naturally elevate the mental state. Exercise doesn’t have to be tedious: encourage your son to explore different forms of movement such as running, sports, and weightlifting until he finds one that he looks forward to. As your son discovers coping mechanisms that he finds enjoyable, he will be more likely to bring these habits with him to college. 

Due to the high prevalence of underaged alcohol consumption at universities, your son may not comprehend the many dangers that come with imbibing. Begin the conversation and calmly discuss the myriad of risks that come with drinking on college campuses.

The National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism links underaged drinking to an increased risk of physical and sexual assault, motor vehicle crashes, and alcoholism in later life, and contributes to the death of about 1,519 college students annually. 

Above all, foster an environment that makes your child feel comfortable coming to you when he is experiencing distress or finds himself in an unsafe situation. Allow him to ask for your advice and comfort without fear of judgment, knowing that you have his best interest at heart. 

If your son is currently experiencing a co-occurring disorder, which is the clinical name for the coexistence of a mental illness and substance use disorder, it is important to reach out for integrated treatment from a trained professional. Call the Guidance Center at (516) 626-1971 to learn more about our Adolescent Outpatient Chemical Dependency and Treatment program and find hope and healing for your family. 

As the preeminent not-for-profit children’s mental health agency on Long Island, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is dedicated to restoring and strengthening the emotional well-being of children (from birth – age 24) and their families.

For 70 years, the Guidance Center has been a place of hope and healing, providing innovative and compassionate treatment to all who enter our doors, regardless of their ability to pay. For more information about the Guidance Center, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or call (516) 626-1971.