In this monthly column, therapists from North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center answer your questions on issues related to parenting, mental health and children’s well-being. To submit a question, email [email protected].

Question: With everything going on in the world, from the pandemic to the war in Ukraine, our seven-year-old son is having terrible nightmares. He’s been waking up in the middle of the night, which leaves him exhausted when it’s time to go to school. We try to shield him as best we can from all the scary stories on the news, but he still hears things that are very concerning to him. What can we do to help him get back to a normal sleep routine?
— Sleepless in Seaford

Dear Sleepless: The pandemic hasn’t just impacted the daily lives of our children in numerous ways, it’s also had a big effect on their nightly lives. Over the past two years, we’ve seen a significant increase in children’s intrusive thoughts related to COVID-19, particularly when it comes to their bedtime routines and sleeping patterns. And the recent outbreak of war in Ukraine has added to their worries, as many have seen or heard about children and parents hiding in their basements or being forced to leave their homes.

It’s not uncommon for kids (and adults too, for that matter) to experience anxiety more acutely at bedtime when the usual distractions such as homework or TV are done for the day and they are in their bedrooms with the lights out. For young people, the pandemic and other traumatic events have caused heightened anxiety that has resulted in behaviors such as bedtime avoidance, clinging to parents during their bedtime routine, refusal to get off electronics or, as is happening with your son, more frequent nightmares.

The first step is to find out what your son has heard and then listen as he shares his thoughts and feelings. If he is reluctant to talk, one useful technique might be to ask him to draw, write or play with toys—a technique often used by our therapists with younger children to help them express and process their fears.

When it comes to reducing nightmares, it helps our younger clients to think of items or people that help them feel safe, such as a hug from a parent, favorite stuffed animal, special blanket or night lights. Another technique employed by some of our therapists is to teach youngsters a practice called “Grounding in the Five Senses,” which involves thinking about five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste.

That helps them to let go of the worry and focus on something more concrete. Parents can teach this to their children and use it anytime they are having trouble sleeping, or for other anxious moments.

Here are some other strategies to help children with nightmares, whether related to the pandemic or other troubling issues:

• Stick to their normal, calming bedtime routine, perhaps reading an extra book that focuses on a happy, comforting topic.
• Validate their worry and other feelings so they feel seen and heard.
• Don’t tell them they have nothing to worry about or are being silly.
• Model reassurance and safety either verbally (“I’m here, I will protect you”) or physically with a hug.
• Encourage them to imagine happy endings for their dreams before bedtime.
• During the daytime, give them the choice about whether to draw, talk or in some other way convey their feelings, which will help them feel some sense of empowerment in the face of uncertainty and fear.
• Limit their exposure to news as much as possible—but do respond to any of their questions in an age-appropriate way.

These techniques may go a long way in improving your son’s nightmares, but if you find they are getting worse, or his anxieties seem to be intensifying, consider getting help from a therapist or other mental health professional.

During the pandemic, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is seeing clients both in person and remotely via a telehealth platform. To make an appointment, call (516) 626-1971 or email [email protected].